i don't think anyone knows about my heartache,
& why would they know?
cos it's tangled into knots in my stomach
u can make me cry if you don't know!

clarity
images seethe with criticism, yet
i retort, reject, & disallow
self-empowerment, causal, effective
is my FOCUS -

angelstar is a growin'up
each day i see this little person
standing in front of me, tuggin' on my pant leg
building block towers, counting 1-10, &
all my WORLD is there - with her
there is no wrong
even when we're lying in bed &
she keeps kicking me non-stop
i LOVE her
i am dedicated to her growth & advancement
i will let myself go to pieces for her sanity
we work hard EVERYDAY to make sure she's
protected, nurtured, & performing this service
is the greatest thing i know i'll ever do
she's my superstar, our next generation....

my lady mistress is a tarot maid
she does my spreads for free -
its called the "road to the solution"
& it can get DEEP...
sitting there trying to ascertain the unconscious
probing into her, into me
dreams can get scary, images - visceral
me as the abandoned child, u as the perpetrator
hurt, anguish, although not needy
i can fall into subliminal obsessions.
what i really need to do is to wake up &
eat the last english muffin!

DMZ
the little blood sucking vampire in u goes quiet for a moment. just a millisecond of silent contentment. defenses are down, all is well. the namaste is in effect - yr hankering to tangle & catch the rabbit in a death grip has evaporated & it's confusing the routine. what's goin' on? canines are now defanged - the pulse to conquer diminishes. there is peace, harmony, compassion, understanding - a shift reverberating into the primal energetics of us all...

yr narcissistic tendencies are not a turn-off
it's what i hold dear about u -
this is because i can hold a space for it to exist
(thru non-judgment & compassion)
this is a good mindfulness practice for me
i have developed a heart capable of not aspiring to
crack yr nut cos its hard & shut down
that's not my goal here -
i just want to watch u, listen & take in
what u express
a dangerous charm perhaps, yet i am NOT moving towards u
for empathy - u have a handicap (i know this well)
i don't want to hand u full authority or influence u to stop what yr doing
i don't want to entertain illusions of a give-&-take
i know i am alone emotionally in this one
u can sour love & stomp on vulnerability
but this is why i adore u, duh!
my expectations are low while i'm being wildly entertained...

up to my neck in scholarship apps
my dishwasher has collapsed
it's so tremendously cold & wet
i can't stay focused today -
too much creative thinking
leaves my practical life practically stranded

abandoned love lost no more
my patron saint didn't go away
he's here - willed, wild, & fierce
carrying me thru this day
sanity amongst the chaos
this is a gift - i do know this